"Cabin In The Woods" (2012) dir. Drew Goddard

whoooooooaaaaa

Okay, so I have no interest in actually reviewing this movie because if you like horror movies you should just go fucking see it. Like, right now. I can't believe I waited 2 weeks and still managed to remain mostly spoiler-free. Finally, I'd had enough radio silence and I set out to go see the movie on a Saturday at 1:20 in the afternoon, something I rarely do. Especially since it was beautiful sunny day in Seattle AND the Mariners were playing a day game. I'd normally watch that, but it was against the White Sox and who gives a shit about them? Not me.

So, I went to a dark movie theater on a sunny day and proceeded to have my dick throughly kicked in by an absolute madman of a movie. It plays on lots of classic cliches and horror movie tropes, but in a really awesome way. I'm really glad that my dawg Keith just told me to go into it with the mindset of a "Scream" movie. That's a great way to look at it. It is just a totally ridiculous, darkly hilarious blast of a movie.

During the movie, my phone was blowing up. I get out and my dad had texted me "Perfect game?" I was like, there is no god damn way that Blake Beaven is throwing a perfect game right now against the White Sox. Get right out of town. So I called him and he said, "No, it's the other guy. Phil Humber. He's a half-inning away from a perfect game.

Well, shit.

The Mariners offense has been terrible for years now and they were overdue for at least a no-hitter, but holy god damn. The 21st perfect game ever thrown. No hits, no walks, no runs. Absolute domination.

So I walked out of a supremely warped movie and into the reality that the Mariners just got perfect game'd. Pretty weird day. Sorry for the lack of an actual review, but if you're still reading this and you haven't seen it or been spoiled on it, I highly recommend this flick. Also, lol mariners.

The Raid: Redemption (2012) dir Gareth Evans

Soooo many machetes in this flick!

Around 2000 or so, I got super obsessed with all forms of Asian action cinema. I'd already seen the few Jackie Chan flicks that starting making it to US theaters from the mid-90s on and then I saw John Woo's "The Killer" and "Hard Boiled" and it was game fucking on. Didn't matter if it was martial arts, yakuzas, triads, assassins, samurais or ridiculous wire-work kung-fu. If it was made by someone from an Asian country, I was down to party. I've seen so many of these stupid movies that they've mostly all bled together in my mind as one massive action set piece with Jet Li cranekicking Chow Yun-Fat in slow motion while Jackie Chan speaks broken English and pulls some 3 Stooges shit on an unamused Andy Lau. What I'm trying to say here, friends and internet randos, is that I know my shit. Or at least I used to. I rarely watch these kinds of flicks anymore because most of them suck and I'm perfectly content with hanging on to the cream of the crop, such as the aforementioned Woo movies, "Fist of Legend," "Ong-Bak," the "Lone Wolf and Cub" series and so on and so forth.

That was a really long introduction to talk about a movie that I really don't have much to say about. It's totally buck wild, but it didn't really wow me like I had hoped. I will say it's the best Asian action movie I've seen since "Ong-Bak" and "The Protector," though.

"The Raid: Redemption" rode a critical tsunami of hype across the Pacific into American theaters (ed. note: really, dude?) and it mostly delivers on it's promise. Set in Indonesia, which is quite unique for these kinds of flicks, a SWAT team is dispatched to clean out a crime lord from his project apartment building, shit goes wrong of course, and utter mayhem ensues. I saw it with my friend Keith and we were both hoping for just a little something more overall, but you can't really argue with some of the major fight scenes in this flick. There's one towards in the end in particular that basically amounts to a final boss stage in a video game that felt like it went on for like 15 fucking minutes. Pure madness.

It's a pretty low budget affair, but oddly Welsh director Evans does throw in a few funky camera tricks and extended shots. They added the "Redemption" part of the title after the movie started getting hyped and sequels are now in the works. Hopefully they throw some big money at it and there are more cool extended shots in the sequel and other bells and whistles. I could see the next installment dwarfing the first if the budget starts getting equal with maker's ambition.

Wrath of Con: ECCC 2012 Recap

Just wanted to post an overdue recap on my awesome nerd weekend from 2 weeks ago. Here are some highlights:

Kind of a harsh vibe here, guys.

Friday aka "IT HAS BEGUUUNNN," the first of many "Mortal Kombat" references from the weekend

• Walked to the Con from work, met up with bros Keith, Joey O and Tyler (his comics blog!) at the nearby perennial grub spot Cyber Dogs. They did not have the tuna melt or chicken melt, which prompted a "No 'Stairway'?!?! Denied!" reaction from Keith and me. Compromises were made and stomachs were filled. I was ready to stomp all over that Con.
• Hit the main floor, immediately noticed the gigantic tower of t-shirts. Sentence overheard when walking by said tower, "Umm, yes, one 'This is my boomstick' shirt please."
• We split up to cover more ground, as this was Joe and Tyler's only day at the Con and Keith and I were in it for the long haul. I strolled through the writers and artists area. Found Greg Rucka and had him sign a few copies of his new Punisher book, chatted a bit. Then found "Any Empire" writer/artist Nate Powell and picked up a few of his other books, proving I'm still a bit of a sucker for those damn wimpy indie comics. (Editor's note: he means "comix")
• Reconvened with the dudes for a final sweep before the Con closed for the night. Tyler thought former Spawn/current Batman artist Greg Capullo was at his booth finally, with no line to boot! Tyler ran over to him with childlike glee, but it was only Brett from my comic shop, Arcane Comics, standing behind Capullo's booth for some unknown reason. Tyler was crestfallen.
• After the con, we decided to get dinner at Cedar's indian restaurant in the U-district. Joe was literally on a hunger strike (insert obvious Temple of the Dog joke here), so he was pretty bummed at our gluttony. 

Dat Naan!

• Joe and Tyler headed back up to Bellingham and Keith posted up on my couch for the weekend, which for the record, is his favorite couch. He probably wanted to tweet "SANFORD'S COUCH, I AM IN YOU #WINNING" but restrained himself. Many episodes of "Game of Thrones" were watched. Jon Snow 4 prez.

More after the jump...