Accidental Sons

Here's something I wrote in May or June 2012 that I never published because I was embarrassed or something. Not sure. Well, Merry Christmas, I guess? 

About a year ago, my band Envision played the Friday show of Rain Fest 2011 with Trial, Xibalba, Black Breath and bunch of other bands. It was the biggest show attendance-wise we ever played, by a long shot. A few weeks later, we played a sparsely attended basement show in Bellingham with Trees & Stars and Tempest. We haven't played since and I'm pretty certain we won't ever again. And that is perfectly okay.

We tried to get things going again a few times, but it just wasn't happening. Some good show offers popped up, but things just wouldn't line up schedule-wise for someone and instead of it really bothering me like it used to, instead I'd feel relief. That's a pretty clear sign that it's okay to stop. It's better to not force it. I can't remember the last time I picked up my bass.

I can only speak for the rest of the dudes to a certain extent, but we all kind of lost the motivation to play shows at the same time without ever really talking about it until much later. I know I definitely lost the motivation and desire. That deep-dwelling need express myself musically that has driven me to play in bands since I was 16 or so has mostly stopped bothering me. It'll pop up every now and again, though. I'll listen to our record and get really stoked on it for a while, but then it passes.

After my mom died, I fully lost whatever drive I had left to play shows. Then it came back briefly. It felt like I should just do it. I had, well, still have, a lot of anger and frustration and grief to get through and playing music always helped me get through that kind of stuff in the past. It can be therapeutic. My mom always, ALWAYS supported me playing in bands. She always appreciated that I had such a hobby and an outlet, even well into my mid-20s when most people's parents are probably saying things like, "You know, maybe you should stop driving to Bellingham to play a free show for 19-year-olds." She always had my back because she knew there was personal value in it and I am eternally grateful to her for that.

But, it's just not to be. All of that is ultimately irrelevant to whether or not Envision should play again. There's obviously more to the band than just me. Our time has passed and it's okay to let it die. For good. Playing again would feel inauthentic, which is something all of us detest.

The EP we recorded is the best piece of music I've ever been a part of. I'm very, very proud of how it turned out. We played a lot of super fun shows. Getting to know the musically like-minded guys in Mourningside AD and Xibalba and bringing them up to Washington play shows with them is something I'm very thankful for. We played a bunch of shows with our friends in Unrestrained and Not Sorry. Good times were had.

I'm most proud of the fact that we got our shit together in the first place and made the band happen. It took us a while and it's funny that it happened well after we stopped living together up in Bellingham, but it was worth it. We did things right. Getting a van, bringing all our own equipment to our shows, playing short, no bullshit sets...quality over quantity was our over-arching motto, I suppose, and that's how I like to live my life in general.

Keith, Alex, John and ol' Mohtiak. Thanks, guys.

-Eric

Things I enjoyed in 2014

• Under The Skin
• Gilmore Girls
• Louie
• Blue Ruin
• Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
• Interstellar
• Justified
• The Returned
• The Battered Bastards of Baseball
• Game of Thrones
• Edge of Tomorrow
• The X-Files
• Prince of Darkness
• Guardians of the Galaxy
• Wild
• The 2014 Seattle Mariners 
• The Weeknd
• Type O Negative
• Matthew Akers
• Jason Molina
• Future Islands
• How Did This Get Made?
• The X-Files Files