"Cabin In The Woods" (2012) dir. Drew Goddard

whoooooooaaaaa

Okay, so I have no interest in actually reviewing this movie because if you like horror movies you should just go fucking see it. Like, right now. I can't believe I waited 2 weeks and still managed to remain mostly spoiler-free. Finally, I'd had enough radio silence and I set out to go see the movie on a Saturday at 1:20 in the afternoon, something I rarely do. Especially since it was beautiful sunny day in Seattle AND the Mariners were playing a day game. I'd normally watch that, but it was against the White Sox and who gives a shit about them? Not me.

So, I went to a dark movie theater on a sunny day and proceeded to have my dick throughly kicked in by an absolute madman of a movie. It plays on lots of classic cliches and horror movie tropes, but in a really awesome way. I'm really glad that my dawg Keith just told me to go into it with the mindset of a "Scream" movie. That's a great way to look at it. It is just a totally ridiculous, darkly hilarious blast of a movie.

During the movie, my phone was blowing up. I get out and my dad had texted me "Perfect game?" I was like, there is no god damn way that Blake Beaven is throwing a perfect game right now against the White Sox. Get right out of town. So I called him and he said, "No, it's the other guy. Phil Humber. He's a half-inning away from a perfect game.

Well, shit.

The Mariners offense has been terrible for years now and they were overdue for at least a no-hitter, but holy god damn. The 21st perfect game ever thrown. No hits, no walks, no runs. Absolute domination.

So I walked out of a supremely warped movie and into the reality that the Mariners just got perfect game'd. Pretty weird day. Sorry for the lack of an actual review, but if you're still reading this and you haven't seen it or been spoiled on it, I highly recommend this flick. Also, lol mariners.