Summer Blockbuster Progress Report Numero Uno

4 words: Come. At. Me. Bro.

  Here we are, smack dab in the middle of July and 4 days away from the release date of "The Dark Knight Rises." I wanted to do a lil' posting of thoughts since I haven't updated for a while now and because HOLY SHIT DKR COMES OUT IN 4 DAYS.

So, I've been trying my damnedest to remain spoiler free for DKR, to the point where I don't even try to watch any trailers...which are fucking everywhere now. Now, I fully realize that my expectations for this movie are way, way too high. Like, I want it to come out and just fucking demolish movies as we know them. I want people to see it and just be like, "Well shit, man, that's pretty much it for super hero movies. Time to find something else to make movies about." Because man, the market flooded for super hero movies and it will continue to be flooded until they stop making boatloads of cash. All the news coming out of the San Diego Comicon this last week has been like 90% super hero movies, 5% Del Toro's wacky live action version of "Neon Genesis Evangelion" (what in the fuck, dude) and 5% new stuff from Edgar Wright and crew (WOO!).

We're already fatigued and sick of the super hero stuff, guys. Let's just let Christopher Nolan blow our brains out our assholes one last time and be done with it. Please?

Okay moving on, what else is new....oh yes, "Prometheus".............(huge sigh).

Listen, you may have noticed (you didn't) that I never wrote a review for "Prometheus." Well, it's been over a month since I saw it and I still don't really know what to make of it. I need to see it again. But not the theatrical version, although the IMAX 3D version looked absolutely sublime. No, I need to see whatever the fuck Ridley Scott took out of this movie to make it more ambiguous or shorten the run time, whatever the hell his reasons were. It felt like a whole reel was missing and lo and behold, there will apparently by 20+ extra minutes put back into the DVD release version. Wow, nice job guys.

Anyways, Ridley is batshit crazy but can still make a visually incredible movie. I basically blame everything I hated in this movie on Damon Lindelhof. Seriously, fuck you, dude. Get a real job and stop writing fan fiction.

Okay, enough ranting on that subject. What else do we got here? (looks over previous blockbusters post) Oh man! So, "Battleship" totally fucking bombed, but no one really cared because it was a movie based on fucking board game. For those of you keeping score at home, that's 2 back-to-back box office bombs for my boy Tim Riggins. He may be down, but he's not out as his third, yes THIRD, movie of the summer movie season, Oliver Stone's "Savages," has gotten decent reviews and didn't have much to lose in the first place. I think he'll be okay, folks!

Bad news for fans of THE ROCK aka me, "GI: Joe: Retaliation" is getting post-converted into 3D (bogus!) and has been pushed back to March 2013. My only solace is the fact that the 7th Fast and Furious movie is currently in production with THE ROCK bringin' the pain yet again.

I have not seen "The Amazing Spider-Man " yet, but my trusted film advisers Keith and Tyler put their stamp of approval on it. Read Tyler's review here as well as some hilarious thoughts on the 3 previous Spider-Man flicks.

"The Expendables 2: Expend Harder Y'all" doesn't come out for another month or so, and I'm still not holding my breath for anything good, but I found out VAN DAMME plays the bad guy so I guess that's cool? It's not? Whatever, dude. BLOODSPORT. Fuck yeah, dude.