"Take Shelter (2011) dir. Jeff Nichols

Hey, remember in "Twister" when Helen Hunt's dad gets sucked out of a storm shelter by a massive tornado? Yeah, nothing like happens in this movie. Sorry if I got your hopes up.

I can recall few films that convey impending doom and dread better than this one. What would you do if you started having vivid nightmares of an oncoming freakish storm with tons of tornados and motor oil raining from the sky and getting attacked by crazy people? Ignore it? Kill yourself? Build a large underground shelter in your backyard while refusing to explain yourself to anyone? The awesome Michael Shannon plays a family man named Curtis in "Take Shelter" and he chooses option C.

With a cast made up almost entirely of people who have played supporting roles in various HBO series, "Take Shelter" sets its narrow focus on Curtis's family and few friends who live in rural Ohio. It has the pacing of a slow-burn horror movie with each of Curtis's nightmares becoming more terrible and visceral than the last. It reminded me of the sort of psychological horror movies where the main character isn't sure of what's real and what's in his or her head, but it's definitely not a horror movie in most regards. It's a film about both mental illness and the possible end of the world and one man trying to discern the two. It's a thriller, I suppose, but it has its own stately grace and it's filmed very calmly. Nothing is rushed, yet it doesn't feel slow. It held my attention completely for its 2 hour run time.

There is a scene near the end where the family does end up in the storm shelter and Curtis's wife, played by the lovely and ubiquitous-in-2011 Jessica Chastain, wants him to open the shelter doors because she says the storm is over. The scene builds such an incredibly tense and paranoid vibe. My heart was beating out of my god damn chest.

The soundtrack by David Wingo is fantastic, using lots of tonal layers and sharp sounding feedback noises to build upon the film's dark, atmospheric qualities. And, in case you were wondering (and you probably weren't) the director is the brother of Ben Nichols, singer of Lucero. He contributes a nice solo song for the end credits in his own tried and true, sad bastard alt-country kinda way. It's pretty fitting.

This movie had a decent amount critical hype it seemed, but flew under the radar in general last year. It's a damn shame, because it deserves a lot more credit for being a incredibly tasteful and deeply resonating film about the end of the world, especially in comparison to most apocalyptic films of the last couple years. This is mostly due to the film's narrow focus and on the strength of the Shannon and Chastain's performances. Never a false note between them. But it's cool, let's keep giving Oscar nominations to wank-fests like "The Artist" and "Hugo."

Enough gushing, obviously I loved this movie and I highly recommend it all fans of total downer cinema.

Assorted Thoughts on Summer Blockbusters

"According to this article, I'm part of the 1%, Lucius."

"No shit, honky."

If there is one thing I love, it's big dumb blockbuster summer movies. Growing up, there was always at least one big blockbuster every year it seemed. Batman Returns, Jurassic Park, Independence Day, Men In Black and on and on. And now that The Avengers has finally come out and already made like a quadrillion spacebucks, it really feels like the summer movie season is here. John Carter, which I enjoyed quite a bit, tried to kick off the summer movie season, but it was received by most movie goers like it was some sort of happy revisionist history version of the rise of the Third Reich. So yay for The Avengers for making a shitload of money back for Disney, I guess.

Last summer, and 2011 in general, was total bullshit for movies. What a down year. Try and think back to last summer and remember any big movies you saw. Thor was fucking dumb and I feel like Captain America only seemed so much better because Thor was so stupid. Anyways, 2012 has some heavy hitters lined up and I am excited.

Here's a rundown of the flicks I'm planning on seeing:

The Avengers
Director: Joss Whedon
Release Date: 5/4/12
Sanford Stokage Meter: HUUULLLK SMAAAASH

Well, I actually just saw this the other day, I won't bore y'all with a review because there isn't really that much say about The Avengers. Simply put, it's light weight, very funny and extremely well-crafted for being a big dumb franchise super hero movie that sets out to bring together plots from 5 different movies. I mean, it's just so silly. There's a fucking flying aircraft carrier. I mean, it's awesome, but yeah. So very silly. I'm sure it's every 7-year-old boy's new favorite movie of all time. And like everyone has said, The Hulk utterly steals the show. So I definitely enjoyed it, but I don't think it will stand as my favorite big movie this summer.

Battleship
Director: Peter Berg
Release Date: 5/18/12
Sanford Stokage Meter: Irrationally high

Make no mistake, this will probably be complete garbage. There are a few things to keep in mind, though. Peter Berg is a pretty solid director and is the dude behind my beloved Friday Night Lights TV show and movie. It features a couple actors from FNL. It also features Liam Neeson and Miss Umbrella herself, Rihanna. The special effects look like a combination of the Transformers movies, Battle: Los Angeles, the Halo games and every CG mess of a movie in between. It's a movie based on a 2 player "strategy" game in which there are no characters and/or plot whatsoever. In other words, it look likes stupid, silly fun. Count me in.

Prometheus
Director: Ridley Scott
Release Date: 6/4/12
Sanford Stokage Meter: Mysteriously super duper high

So here's the summer blockbuster for all the beard-stroking intellectual types. The ones who are too cool for most mainstream Hollywood movies, but when they found out Ridley Scott made an Alien prequel of sorts, they flipped out and hopped on board the hyperbole train to hype-ville. These people probably haven't been paying attention to the last 20 years or so of Scott's movies. I mean, I understand. I'm a Blade Runner and Alien super fan, too, but the guy has made some real clunkers since his heyday in the late 70's through the 80's. So the real question is: will Prometheus suffer from The Phantom Menace syndrome of making a prequel to a movie that came out in the 70's? Will everything look far too sleek and modern when compared to the gritty, industrial nature of the original film? Too much of a stylistic disconnect? The early teasers lead me to think this was going to be the case, but once the full trailer dropped I got all super stoked. I'm still a bit skeptical that Scott can still deliver a quality sci-fi flick, but I am so ready to find out.

GI Joe: Retaliation
Director: Jon M. Chu
Release Date: 6/29/12
Sanford Stokage Meter: DO YOU SMELL WHAT THE SANFORD IS COOKING?

The Rock is in this. Have you seen The Rock lately? He's gigantic. A mountain of a man. I was never even much of wrestling fan, but I will see nearly any movie The Rock is in. He's hilarious AND terrifyingly strong-looking.

The Amazing Spider Man
Director: Marc Webb
Release Date: 7/3/12
Sanford Stokage Meter: Moderate

Why, yes! It IS way too soon to re-boot this franchise. Yes, the first 2 Spider Man movies WERE really quite good and 3rd one was really, really silly. So why are you indignant about there being another Spider Man movie? You still get upset about remakes, don't you? Hey, guess what? Life is bullshit, there is no Santa Claus and nothing is sacred in movies. Wipe that Cheeto dust out of your neckbeard and strap in for some angsty, sarcastic Spider Man action played by some British kid 10 people have heard of. Oh yeah, and Denis Leary plays a cop who's a dad, too. He is such a dad.


The Dark Knight Rises
Director: Christopher Nolan
Release Date:7/20/12
Sanford Stokage Meter: As high as a real IMAX screen

I've been preparing to write a longer post about the Christopher Nolan Batman movies. I recently re-watched Batman Begins and The Dark Knight just because it'd been a while and I have a laundry list of thoughts about them. One thing that I've realized is how much Nolan borrows from Michael Mann in his overall storytelling style. A lot of people compared The Dark Knight to Heat and with good reason. Another thing about Nolan I really like and respect is his dogged devotion to using film instead of digital for his movies, not to mention how well he uses the IMAX format. This makes him a bit of a welcome throwback, I guess, as far as style and direction goes, but I don't know, the images and scenes in his Batman movies are just so damn crisp and distinctive. They just suck me in completely and I love it.

Nolan is more or less credited with making the first real big "SERIOUS" super hero movie. When you watched The Dark Knight for the first time, you kind of forgot that it was about a dude in a cape fighting a guy in clown make up. But, I feel like The Dark Knight Rises is at risk of suffocating on this established seriousness. The previews really drive home this whole feeling of "revolution of the lower class" thing that makes me feel very wary. Like what in the fuck does that have to do with Batman? I'm really not wild about there being overt political commentary in a Batman movie, but I will give Nolan the benefit of the doubt until I see it.

The Expendables 2
Director: Simon West
Release Date: 8/17/12
Sanford Stokage Meter: Saggin' low like Arnold's jowls

The first Expendables was a giant turd. It had a few exciting moments, but oh my fucking god what a mess. When you have a cast like that and Jason Statham and Terry Crews basically steal the show, you've got quite the head scratcher on your hands. That's not a slam on either of those dudes, I mean Statham is awesome, but c'mon Sly. You can do better. You've done better many times. Rambo was fucking incredible. Dial up the practical gore effects again and make good on the promise of an old-fashioned, bad ass, borderline exploitation flick action movie. Please? I'm not gonna hold my breath, though. Just go look at Simon West's filmography on IMDB. Go ahead, I'll wait. You back? Yes, Con Air is a masterpiece, I know. Nic Cage's southern accent, yes, I remember. Amazing. But yeah, dude's track record is not what I'd call good.


There you have it. This summer is shaping up to be a lot better than last summer movie-wise, but I'm sure a couple of these will turn out to be irredeemable turds. Thanks for reading and pass the Mountain Dew.

"Cabin In The Woods" (2012) dir. Drew Goddard

whoooooooaaaaa

Okay, so I have no interest in actually reviewing this movie because if you like horror movies you should just go fucking see it. Like, right now. I can't believe I waited 2 weeks and still managed to remain mostly spoiler-free. Finally, I'd had enough radio silence and I set out to go see the movie on a Saturday at 1:20 in the afternoon, something I rarely do. Especially since it was beautiful sunny day in Seattle AND the Mariners were playing a day game. I'd normally watch that, but it was against the White Sox and who gives a shit about them? Not me.

So, I went to a dark movie theater on a sunny day and proceeded to have my dick throughly kicked in by an absolute madman of a movie. It plays on lots of classic cliches and horror movie tropes, but in a really awesome way. I'm really glad that my dawg Keith just told me to go into it with the mindset of a "Scream" movie. That's a great way to look at it. It is just a totally ridiculous, darkly hilarious blast of a movie.

During the movie, my phone was blowing up. I get out and my dad had texted me "Perfect game?" I was like, there is no god damn way that Blake Beaven is throwing a perfect game right now against the White Sox. Get right out of town. So I called him and he said, "No, it's the other guy. Phil Humber. He's a half-inning away from a perfect game.

Well, shit.

The Mariners offense has been terrible for years now and they were overdue for at least a no-hitter, but holy god damn. The 21st perfect game ever thrown. No hits, no walks, no runs. Absolute domination.

So I walked out of a supremely warped movie and into the reality that the Mariners just got perfect game'd. Pretty weird day. Sorry for the lack of an actual review, but if you're still reading this and you haven't seen it or been spoiled on it, I highly recommend this flick. Also, lol mariners.

The Raid: Redemption (2012) dir Gareth Evans

Soooo many machetes in this flick!

Around 2000 or so, I got super obsessed with all forms of Asian action cinema. I'd already seen the few Jackie Chan flicks that starting making it to US theaters from the mid-90s on and then I saw John Woo's "The Killer" and "Hard Boiled" and it was game fucking on. Didn't matter if it was martial arts, yakuzas, triads, assassins, samurais or ridiculous wire-work kung-fu. If it was made by someone from an Asian country, I was down to party. I've seen so many of these stupid movies that they've mostly all bled together in my mind as one massive action set piece with Jet Li cranekicking Chow Yun-Fat in slow motion while Jackie Chan speaks broken English and pulls some 3 Stooges shit on an unamused Andy Lau. What I'm trying to say here, friends and internet randos, is that I know my shit. Or at least I used to. I rarely watch these kinds of flicks anymore because most of them suck and I'm perfectly content with hanging on to the cream of the crop, such as the aforementioned Woo movies, "Fist of Legend," "Ong-Bak," the "Lone Wolf and Cub" series and so on and so forth.

That was a really long introduction to talk about a movie that I really don't have much to say about. It's totally buck wild, but it didn't really wow me like I had hoped. I will say it's the best Asian action movie I've seen since "Ong-Bak" and "The Protector," though.

"The Raid: Redemption" rode a critical tsunami of hype across the Pacific into American theaters (ed. note: really, dude?) and it mostly delivers on it's promise. Set in Indonesia, which is quite unique for these kinds of flicks, a SWAT team is dispatched to clean out a crime lord from his project apartment building, shit goes wrong of course, and utter mayhem ensues. I saw it with my friend Keith and we were both hoping for just a little something more overall, but you can't really argue with some of the major fight scenes in this flick. There's one towards in the end in particular that basically amounts to a final boss stage in a video game that felt like it went on for like 15 fucking minutes. Pure madness.

It's a pretty low budget affair, but oddly Welsh director Evans does throw in a few funky camera tricks and extended shots. They added the "Redemption" part of the title after the movie started getting hyped and sequels are now in the works. Hopefully they throw some big money at it and there are more cool extended shots in the sequel and other bells and whistles. I could see the next installment dwarfing the first if the budget starts getting equal with maker's ambition.

Wrath of Con: ECCC 2012 Recap

Just wanted to post an overdue recap on my awesome nerd weekend from 2 weeks ago. Here are some highlights:

Kind of a harsh vibe here, guys.

Friday aka "IT HAS BEGUUUNNN," the first of many "Mortal Kombat" references from the weekend

• Walked to the Con from work, met up with bros Keith, Joey O and Tyler (his comics blog!) at the nearby perennial grub spot Cyber Dogs. They did not have the tuna melt or chicken melt, which prompted a "No 'Stairway'?!?! Denied!" reaction from Keith and me. Compromises were made and stomachs were filled. I was ready to stomp all over that Con.
• Hit the main floor, immediately noticed the gigantic tower of t-shirts. Sentence overheard when walking by said tower, "Umm, yes, one 'This is my boomstick' shirt please."
• We split up to cover more ground, as this was Joe and Tyler's only day at the Con and Keith and I were in it for the long haul. I strolled through the writers and artists area. Found Greg Rucka and had him sign a few copies of his new Punisher book, chatted a bit. Then found "Any Empire" writer/artist Nate Powell and picked up a few of his other books, proving I'm still a bit of a sucker for those damn wimpy indie comics. (Editor's note: he means "comix")
• Reconvened with the dudes for a final sweep before the Con closed for the night. Tyler thought former Spawn/current Batman artist Greg Capullo was at his booth finally, with no line to boot! Tyler ran over to him with childlike glee, but it was only Brett from my comic shop, Arcane Comics, standing behind Capullo's booth for some unknown reason. Tyler was crestfallen.
• After the con, we decided to get dinner at Cedar's indian restaurant in the U-district. Joe was literally on a hunger strike (insert obvious Temple of the Dog joke here), so he was pretty bummed at our gluttony. 

Dat Naan!

• Joe and Tyler headed back up to Bellingham and Keith posted up on my couch for the weekend, which for the record, is his favorite couch. He probably wanted to tweet "SANFORD'S COUCH, I AM IN YOU #WINNING" but restrained himself. Many episodes of "Game of Thrones" were watched. Jon Snow 4 prez.

More after the jump...

ECCC 2012

"Hold on a second, dude. I DON'T HAVE YOUR FUCKING RING, MAN!*"

I pretty much summed up all the reasons why I love going to the Emerald City Comicon in this post last year. Well, the time has come yet again for Con-life and I am friggin' PUMPED.

Highlights this year will hopefully include, but will not be limited to:

• DC's new 52 panel
• The 20th anniversary "Batman: The Animated Series" panel with Bruce Timm and Kevin Conroy
• George Takei's panel
• Wil Wheaton's panel, of course
• Edward James Olmos' panel and hopefully some "Blade Runner" stories
• "Firefly" and "Serenity" panels for Summer Glau and Adam Baldwin (pushes up glasses)
• Resisting the urge to throw something at Robert Kirkman

Stoked to hang with my bro Keith and hopefully some other Bellingham dudes, eat some good food, maybe peep some movies and just generally be a goon all weekend. Git 'er done.

*Yeah, that's a corny BASEketball/LOTR combo joke, bro. Deal with it.

Sometimes you don't realize how badly you want something until the option is taken away.